Who am I?

Who I am is more than just what I’m good at, what I like to do, my thoughts, feelings, actions, how I look and what I do everyday.

Who I am goes deeper than the so-called essentials of living.

Who I am is more than my name, where I come from, how others perceive me.

 It’s an essence that pervades all those things but is both more and less than all things that seem to make up who I am. It’s a totality and nothingness at the same time. 

Been mulling over these thoughts for a while now. No I’m not going crazy or getting in a little over my depth here but just asking some questions to keep myself on my little toes. Allow me to explain. It all began a couple weeks ago when I began, in prayer, thinking about why I’m here. What began as questions about how hard I should push myself in studies rolled into serious ‘who am I?’ questions. Who I am would help inform what I’m doing here and allow me to respond better to the challenges to be faced in the weeks and months to come.

So who am I really? I remember defining myself as an educator (and here) some time back and I still hold that as an important part of who I am but then again, I’m much more than what I do. The past few days have been spent commemorating the feast of St Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Society of Jesus, of which I’m a part of now. The feeling of belonging and ‘rightness’ at being here was strong and most palpable – was very much consoled by the Society that’s so diverse and international yet so single-minded in its pursuit of the greater glory of God. So am I a Jesuit? I’d say yes, almost.

And then there’s the other little bits about myself – about how I like philosophy, reading, endurance sports and nonsense in general. Does this sense of identity change as time goes on or do I just respond to the world but keep the core of my being the same? I can see bits of both going on as I grow and develop but then again, it’s hard to pin down. Am I just chasing my tail or is there something more to this?

I’m nowhere near resolving that but suffice to say recognising that this is something that’s important may be a good step forward. I’m sure you’ll hear lots more bits of this around these parts as I try to put some of these thoughts into words. I’ll leave this post hanging a little – it seems apt not to bring this to a close because after all, the search does indeed continue.

An aside:
Today marks my 3rd month after the vows and as it happens, it was ‘commemorated’ by the day’s gospel (Matthew 13:44-46) about the treasure in the field and the pearl of great price. Have I found the proverbial treasure and how would I know if I have? I just know that I’m at the place that I’m supposed to be and will revel in that for the moment. The treasure might not be a huge pot of gold but could just be the relative peace and joy that one lives one’s daily life, in the Lord. 


6 Responses to “Who am I?”

  1. 1 shan 2 August 2012 at 10:11 10

    You are a Stanley Goh, international do-gooder 🙂

    Anyway, “totality and nothingness at the same time” is tres zen (and also quantum mechanics!). I like.

  2. 2 Kazveen 29 September 2012 at 4:35 04

    I think that this is an eternal question faced by us and I am not sure if there is one or a right answer to it. When the questions ‘Who am I?” and “What am I doing here?” come to my mind, I usually tell myself that I am just a tiny pawn in this whole universe, and I need to remind myself that my role here is only temporary and transient and that prevents me from taking myself so seriously. And that is when the parts of onself that indulge in nonsense and appreciate the beauty in small things, helps one to stay balanced and rooted. That’s when I remember humility and try and shed of the feeling of self-importance!

  3. 3 Flower 1 November 2015 at 9:41 09

    Hi, Brother Stanley!!!!! -Flower (u know who i m)

  4. 4 Flower 1 November 2015 at 9:41 09

    Hi, Brother Stanley!!!!! -Flower (u know who i m. Huehuehueh)

  5. 5 rehpotsirhC 2 November 2015 at 1:25 01

    Was here

  6. 6 Anonymous 2 November 2015 at 2:17 02

    Nice points. It perfectly describes our society today. We are sometimes judgemental on others for their personality or behavior for instance. I hope you can find your answer soon. Later in life you may look at things differently and you may get the answer somewhen later in your life.

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about the brushhead

had a head like a brush (it's more like an egg now). seeks to sweep through thought and faith with that brush. tries to wax philosophical but often forgets to wax off. trying to be good brush to all, while discerning what kind of brush he's meant to be.

Click here to contact the brush


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